About 5 years ago I decided to write a book called: When You Can’t Scream, Or 10 Reasons Why I Smoke. “What a fabulous title!” I told myself. “This is going to be a great book.” It would be a unique and honest look at why I’ve smoked off and on since I was 12 years old. I hoped to promote more compassion, less judgment than smokers often experience. As I’d been dealing with my feelings on this issue for decades as a singer and teacher, it would be simple to write and publish. I’d be done in a year or less…
The title was a seed, an idea I’d need to plant, nourish and tend. Little did I know how much tending this book would require, how it would twist and turn toward the light, expanding to overflow the box I’d set it in, and become a much more complex and satisfying project.
Teresa Mei Chuc, photographer Judith Foster
For almost 3 years, I wrote my 10 reasons in poetry, composing over 20 poems–Cigarette # One, Cigarette # Two, Cigarette # Three, etc. I drafted and revised, revised some more, wrote 4 totally different versions of one poem, clipped and weeded, let it rain, wrote new poems, ignored the garden, pulled 10 poems up by their roots and discarded them to an obscure poetry file, finally settling on ten, a prologue and an epilogue.
I was pleased with the collection, knowing that I’d shared authentic insights into my unique world. I had met my goal of expressing in words some of my wounds and some of the pleasures of smoking. I developed greater understanding and compassion for myself in the process. It was time to let the sun shine!
As I began to share the poems here and there at open mics, they were met with mixed responses. Often, hosts might comment on how smoking was bad, but, oh, thank you for sharing. Some of the more intense poems, like Cigarette # Six, In Tile and Glass Cages, chronicling living with the trauma of rape, would leave an audience and a host stunned and silent. As I moved from composition into readiness for publication, I realized I wanted to do more than create a little book of poetry.
Doren Damico, photographer – Violet Soto
Being such a highly visual artist, I conceived of creating photos to accompany the poems, scenes that further expressed the life of a smoker. I gave myself a year to complete the photos and then publish. I involved various artists in the photography project, discussed the work with more and more people, discovered how much work (and money) went into each photo shoot.
It was my friend, Judith Foster (also the photographer for the book), who encouraged me to add another element: I’d write a non-fiction article to highlight the effects of cigarettes on the brain. I had learned during the writing phase, a lot about how smoking helps people like me, and I wanted to share the data, wanted that story to be told. I just spent the last two weeks trying to get that article started, and damn, if I haven’t given myself a monumental task! There’s research to be completed, and a subtle weaving of my personal narrative into the facts.
Now, I’ve got a firm deadline, having been invited to share the project at Poetry House in New York on July 30th. 10 weeks to go…and so much to do! I’ve still got 4 photo shoots in the works. Then there’s light photo shopping, title page and back page creation, model bios, layout, formatting, choosing a self-publishing company, press releases, research and preparation for offering my book to independent bookstores in New York and California as a start.
Paxton Cemetery, photographer – Vincent Arellano
Honestly, I’m terrified and smoking to ease the anxiety! But each photo shoot teaches me more about creative direction, connects me to more and more incredible women, poets and artists, and shows me that this seed will bear more fruit than I ever expected.
The firm deadline with an offer to promote in New York has been an amazing catalyst. I know I’ll get it all done, but some of my other projects have to be put on hold. Metaphysical Sci-fi Novella waiting to be completed. Street sets for singing at 3rd Street Promenade still in practice phase. Educational consultant business giving me the occasional necessary paycheck. Poetry submissions to anthologies slowed to a pause. Keys to Learning study guides set to the side.
I’ve decided to keep blogging, I’m more committed than ever to my writing, but not on the full range of my creative pursuits. For the next few months, it’s going to be primarily about this book, about smoking and learning the joys and work of taking an idea and helping it grow. I hope you’ll follow this project with me to its fruition, and enjoy the journey alongside me. It’s just the beginning, book one, and then I’ll pour my attentions more fully into the next big project: illustrating my children’s book.
My creative life is a full spectrum, and I know my work as a writer must honestly reflect that. “Baby steps,” I tell myself, knowing that gardens need time to grow.
Doren Damico is a lyricist and poet with a passion for the art of being human. For more poems and poetic commentary check out her blog archive, Poetry, at: dorendamico.com
